Hello again! Let’s dive into something fascinating today—how different parts of us shape the way we think, feel, and act. You might have heard of a concept called Internal Family Systems, or IFS. It’s an approach that helps us understand how different “parts” of ourselves work together (or sometimes against each other). In IFS, there’s often a Protector part, an Exile (or Lost Inner Child), and the True Adult Self.
So, let’s get into it. Who are these parts, and how do they impact our everyday lives?
The Protector: Doing Its Best to Keep Us Safe (Even When It Doesn’t Help)
We all have a part that IFS calls the “Protector.” This part of us acts like a bodyguard, jumping in to keep us safe—especially emotionally. The Protector might come out as defensiveness, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or even anger. It’s like a reflex, stepping in before we even realize what’s happening. Sound familiar?
Imagine you’re in a situation where someone says something that feels a bit too close to home. You might feel yourself getting defensive, maybe even snapping back with something sharp. That’s likely the Protector, stepping in to shield you from feeling vulnerable or exposed. It’s doing its best to help, but the Protector can sometimes act in ways that don’t feel like our true selves.
The Lost Inner Child (The Exile): A Part of Us That Needs Healing
Beneath the Protector lies what IFS calls the Exile, or the Lost Inner Child. This part is often holding onto old pain—feelings of sadness, rejection, or fear from way back when we were young. The Exile is like a wounded child who didn’t get what they needed, and so they’re still carrying those feelings, waiting for us to come back and take care of them.
The Exile often feels scared, unworthy, or hurt. But instead of showing these feelings outright, the Protector jumps in, covering up the Exile’s vulnerability to keep us from feeling that pain. The problem is, when the Protector is in charge, we can end up reacting in ways that don’t truly reflect who we are or who we want to be. We get stuck in defensive patterns that make it hard to connect with others—or even with ourselves.
The True Adult Self: The Part of Us That Can Heal and Lead
Now, let’s talk about the True Adult Self. This is the part of us that’s calm, compassionate, and wise. The True Adult Self doesn’t react automatically or out of fear. Instead, it approaches things from a place of curiosity and understanding. It’s the “you” that can be present and make choices from a place of clarity and kindness.
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